Half the reason marriages fail is down to poor communication. In a world of technology and medical advances we have still not learned how to talk to each other in a manner that inspires positivity and enthusiasm.
The honeymoon phase
It is true we are a world of knockers and too often see the glass half empty instead of half full. If you add this to the dynamics of a marriage you may find a young couple are destined for a bumpy ride.
We are a planet of insistent mind readers who on meeting a person for the first time try to work out just who they are under their mask and what their true intentions are. We rely on instinct and gut feelings, which more often than not turn out to be true but how often do we really say what we are thinking.
This is why love can be so confusing because while these feelings of euphoria and sheer happiness are filling every cell in our body do we really know whom it is we have all this elation for.
A lot of people refer to this period in a relationship as the HONEYMOON phase and when it runs its course what is left many times is a belief that love has gone and there is not much left to hold a relationship together.
From marriage to divorce
What can happen is a time of misery and silence or a sudden exit from the marriage of one partner. The next step is a separation and then the death of the marriage via a divorce.
Is this why 50% or more of marriages are hitting the wall and being signed off in the divorce courts?
Are you communicating well with your spouse?
Good COMMUNICATION between two married people will almost guarantee the relationship goes on long after the honeymoon phase has ended. If a couple can talk and I mean really talk about the things they are worried about or their opinions on their local government they have the best chance of making it through to a long and happy marriage.
You often hear married people say that because they are friends they have been able to whether storms in their marriage that others have not been able too
Not enough money
They say conflict over money is the main reason why marriages end but I would beg to differ and say that lack of COMMUNICATION should be at the top of the list. If a couple has very little money and are worried about how they are going to survive they have 2 choices.
1. Argue and fight over whose fault it is or how a change can be bought about.
2. Sit down at the dining table and talk calmly about what options they have.
Through quiet talk a resolution of sorts is bound to happen compared to the couple who choose to quarrel their way into marriage oblivion.
FIGHT FAIR!
In any relationship there needs to be respect for the other persons ideals and opinions or there is very little chance of a happy union. When you shout over the top of someone when they are trying to get their point across you will make the other person feel as though they are under attack. What needs to happen in any relationship debate is time for each person to have his or her say without interruption. If emotions enter the conversation then it will not be long before one partner erupts like a lava-spewing volcano blasting out words they may later regret.
FAIR PLAY is important and if a husband and wife can start their marriage with this in mind they may be able to get through those tough times life throws at us without destroying each other or their relationship. How we talk to each other is at the heart of a good or bad marriage. Words can hurt and when used like weapons they can deeply wound even the toughest of characters.
Cruel words can wound a heart
We all wear invisible armor to protect us from the words others can use to wound us but if we remembered that old saying. “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me” we would take the risk involved with listening to what others have to say.
How many times have you heard a guy comment? “My wife doesn’t understand me so I found someone who does” or “my husband never helps around the house and when I try to talk to him about it he just tells me I’m nagging him.”
Are you listening?
Two things that will destroy a marriage are the incapability to forgive and the inability to LISTEN. If you switch off every time your significant other has something important to say you can hardly blame them when you come home one day to find a note saying goodbye. Have a nice life.
The art of listening is so easy but equally hard for many to understand. When your partner has something prolific to say and is ignored it is not usually long before they will give up trying to communicate altogether. There are many marriages where a stony silence is the norm and this shows clearly how a marriage can get into a rut where both husband and wife go through the motions of a marriage pretense.
A good marriage is where two people are able to have his or her say about a conflicting subject and still go to bed that night as friends. As you are reading this article ask yourself if your marriage is in good shape or could do with some revision.
Learning to talk to your partner can take practice, as some people will have a history of stand over tactics using put downs to get their point across. If you are trying to communicate with someone like this you will have to evaluate whether they are trying to control you or think this is the way to talk to a partner. They may have learned it from a parent and carried the negative pattern into their own marriage.
The best way to diffuse this kind of interaction is to always talk in a quiet voice and with the use of the “I mode.” For example your husband is bellowing at you for asking him to mow the lawns. Your response should be. “I feel so intimidated and often afraid when you yell at me like that”. This way of speaking can disarm the worst of communicators and because you are not attacking them back they will be literally stopped in their tracks while they try to decipher your true intentions. This will be especially so if your response has always been to yell back. This simple but highly effective way of talking from your heart can put a marriage on the brink of divorce back on track.
It only takes one person in a marriage to get the new communication ball rolling. If you can tough it out and keep trying to make the changes you will in time see improvement in the way your husband or wife talks to you.
~ The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives ~
Anthony Robbins